Many women are quite “susceptible” to suffer after a broken relationship. The reasons might be many, and might differ from one woman to another. However, the main issue is, whether a woman can “learn” how to maintain a successful intimate relationship and not having the need to look for a new partner time and again. The answer is quite a simple one: when you develop Self-Awareness, getting to understand what, in your attitudes and behaviors cause a relationship to fail, you can then become empowered to develop and maintain a successful intimacy.
Some of the ways by which you sabotage your relationships
To love and be loved is wonderful. However, when you love “without borders”; when you give of yourself unconditionally (which is very romantic); when you “sacrifice” yourself “at the altar of the relationship”; when you let your partner dictate the nature of the relationship (or lack of), rather than making sure you have a relationship of mutual give & take, you then might find yourself, time and again, frustrated, bitter, sad and alone.
What makes you behave in such self-sabotaging ways?
The reasons might be many, and might differ from one woman to another. You might behave that way out of low self-esteem; out of fear of abandonment; out of bottomless need for love; out of the belief that giving oneself totally to their loved ones is heroic, altruistic, etc.
Regardless of what drives you to behave in ways which sabotage your relationships (time and again) it is quite likely that you are unaware of what you do wrong. First, you don’t see any “wrong-doing” by offering so much love. Second, if you would have been aware of the ways in which you sabotage your relationships you would have probably make the necessary changes by now.
Lack of Self-Awareness drives you to sabotage your relationships time and again
Many are unaware of the needs and fears which drive their behaviors (such as: fear of abandonment; the need to be loved and appreciated). Nor are they aware of the behavioural patterns they have developed throughout the years based on these fears and needs (such as: sacrificing yourself; being there 100% for your partner, etc.). The behaviors and attitudes you think will “save” your relationships and “save” you from being left by a partner, are exactly those which sabotage your relationships and leave you alone, once more.
However, not being aware of this turn of events, you are likely to continue behaving in these self-sabotaging ways over and over again, regardless of how many relationships you have had.
Developing your Self-Awareness is a key to becoming able to maintaining a successful intimacy
Developing your Self-Awareness is the key to becoming able to understand your self-sabotaging behaviors and the needs and fears which drive you to behave the way you do.
It is only when you become aware that you begin to realize how you shoot yourself in the foot in relationships until now (believing you are doing “the right” thing and not realizing the opposite is true).
Now, with your new awareness, you begin to understand what you need to change in your behaviors and attitudes. You also begin to see what you can do in order to control your needs and fears from driving you to sabotage your relationships once more.
Self-awareness empowers you to begin being assertive with potential partners; knowing realizing your right to having a mutual give & take relationship; and knowing how to set up borders even with your loved one.
The road to Self-Awareness
The road to Self-Awareness shouldn’t be paved with difficulties. If you tread this road with positive thinking and attitude, believing that, at the end, it will lead you to becoming stronger and more empowered to maintain a successful intimacy, you will realize that you enjoy and appreciate the process, the journey, the way leading up to finding a partner with whom you will develop a relationship which will be based on true love, mutual give & take and appreciation.
Doron Gil, Ph.D., an expert on Self-Awareness and Relationships, is a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant, and the author of: “The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship. In his book Dr. Gil teaches you how to understand what stands in your way from successful intimacy, realize the ways by which you have sabotaged your relationships until now, and enables you to become empowered to develop a healthy and satisfying relationship