Archive | May 2016

When Love Just Ain’t Enough

Sometimes love is just not enough and most times it’s not always fair. I know it’s a bit cliche but love can really make you do some CRAZY things, or maybe it’s a broken heart that brings the craziness out of us. Oh, don’t sit up here and read this scrunching your nose up at me, like I’m the only one who has been a fool or did something crazy in the name of love.

That sweet 4 letter word called love is what left me with a broken heart. Love had me thinking I could change a man’s mind when he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship and wasn’t willing to commit. Love had me thinking that this man was going to be my husband. Love had me holding on for a little over a year when it had probably been over within the first 6 months. Love told me I had to fix up what I played a part in messing up in the beginning, when I would disappear and block him out not calling him for weeks sometimes months when that feeling & voice of discernment that I ignored, was trying to tell me he wasn’t the one. Love had me feeling I deserved to get treated that way. Love had me settling for less when deep down I knew I deserved nothing but the very best. And while I knew I deserved better, that small but loud voice in my head told me I would never find anyone better, and he was as good as I was going to get. That very small but loud voice made me swallow my pride and throw all dignity to the side. I tried to hold on to the tiny pieces of him that he was willing to give. That small voice turned into a louder voice when he told me he was through for the 1st of many times. That voice told me I had to keep him in my life even if it meant making a fool of myself.

When he told me he was through and that we should go our separate ways I went in panic mode. How could he dare try to just throw me to the side like some trash that he was through with?!? How could he throw away all that we had or all that I made myself believe we had. I must’ve called his phone a million times and sent a million texts begging him to not leave me, even said I would kill myself. Yeah, ya girl was just down right pitiful. I couldn’t let go of the man who I thought was my soulmate and I couldn’t let him throw it all away either. After days and days of crying, calling, and texting, he finally saw things my way a little, and he decided to remain in my life, but this time on his terms. He changed his number and called me private. Ain’t that some bs?! But that voice in my head grew louder and louder and told me to just be glad he still called me even if it was private. Unfortunately the crazy didn’t stop there, it had just begun. I was going to play by his rules but add a few of my own. So then the pop up visits started. If I couldn’t speak to him when I wanted, I figured I’d just have to go the extra mile.

With dignity out the window, I would drive to his house in the middle of the night knock on his window and didn’t care what he thought or how he felt. The first few times he would get mad and tell me to stop coming by, but the rebellion spirit in me didn’t care what he said. The craziness was in full effect. Not just any crazy but crazy as in me coming down with the flu & strep throat, but I couldn’t focus on getting better, that man consumed my mind. If the flu & strep throat thought it was stopping my show, it had another thing coming. I did another one of my pop up’s, we argued for about an hour playing the blame game back and forth, but by the time the argument was over I was apologizing and unzipping his pants to go down and show my love for him, I guess in my own way to make my apology a little more sincere, and then when I was finished, I left like I had just done something so wonderful when in actuality, I looked like a damn fool. But I didn’t care. If I was going to play a fool, I was going to be the best fool ever.

Arguments got worse, he grew more distant, he’d call it quits, I’d beg him to come back, he’d tell me nothing was going to change, he still didn’t see us going anywhere but if I wanted to “chill” we could still do that. We chilled for a few more months then as all good things come to an end, he text me one night saying he couldn’t do it anymore and how he had to say goodbye NOW to focus on his life. I was devastated. I sent him a long text telling him how much I hated him, but the person I really hated was myself. I hated that no matter what, I couldn’t undo the feelings I felt for him. I hated him because I allowed myself to settle. I hated him because in my mind I had the perfect fairy tale ending for us. I even thought God had destined us to be together. But one thing about goodbye, there’s always some good in it.

He did what I didn’t have the guts to do no matter how much I was hurting. I couldn’t bring myself to let go. To me letting go meant that I had lost the fight. I thought what if he is really the one for me and I end up regretting it. I was playing God. I was ordering my own steps. I thought love was enough. I thought if I loved him longer and held on stronger that I could get him to see that I was the one for him and he the one for me. I thought if I loved him more and turned into whatever he wanted me to be that I could make him happy. I thought I had enough love to fill in the love that he didn’t have for me.

But for once, I didn’t beg him to stay. I did cry, the ugly cry too, but I let him have his way. If he felt that he needed to let me go to further and better his life, who am I to stop that, it’s what I needed to do as well. I was looking for him to fill in a void that he could never fill. I was looking to him to be my distraction from my own brokenness that I was feeling. I was putting him in the place of God idolizing him. I thought my healing would come from him, but I realized what I needed to do was love myself and draw closer to God. To stay in the word and focus on myself & my kids & being the mother to them that they deserve, and the woman to myself that I should’ve been a long time ago. I made a vow to refrain from sex, and submit to God and let him have his will cause every time I tried to be director of my life I messed up terribly.

 

This entry was posted on May 26, 2016.

Chained by Fear of Love

Love is such a powerful feeling. It has the ability to either inspire you or break you. It makes you feel wanted and helpless at the same time that you can’t help but surrender into its traps.

Why are we so afraid of falling in love?

Simple. The euphoria we feel once we fall in love is just too good to be true that we become scared of what will happen once the emotions are gone. Not all couples are able to retain the feeling. It always takes two to tango but unfortunately, not everyone can keep up with the pace and you end up having a one-sided love. We are afraid to get too close because we fear that the other may not catch us when we fall. And it hurts like hell. The excruciating pain will be deeply seated in your heart. It will serve as a reminder of the agony you experienced when the other can’t return the feeling.

But love is a feeling in your bones that you can’t easily wave off. The thing is… it is a “risk” you have to take. After you have taken the chance, your sacrifice doesn’t just end there. You will become selfless and give the person everything that will make them happy. You will invest a lot of emotions in the relationship that sometimes you even forget to leave something for yourself.

When someone starts to make you feel special, you immediately turn your defenses up to protect yourself from getting hurt. All because of fear, you are preventing yourself to be loved. Of course, “being in love” is not an easy road to take. But will you always let that fear cripple your chance to find happiness?

Vulnerability scares you.

Fearing the unknown is understandable. It prompts us to use our head and avoid stupid decisions brought by devoted emotions. You want to remain in your comfort zone where you are 100% sure you won’t get your heart broken. Because for you, the more you care, the more you’ll get hurt.

History might repeat itself.

No matter what you do, the hurt in previous relationships will continue to influence how you will perceive the people who get too close to you. Negative experiences make us wary of letting someone enter into our life. We steer away from attachments because it will bring back old feelings, hurt, and anger.

Love is often lopsided.

You like the person “too much” that you are afraid that the other may not be able to give you the same amount of love. You are not sure as to how long will their feeling for you will sustain. Emotions are something you have to let grow. Worrying about how one feel more than the other will only result to endless doubts.

Friends and family always have something to say.

You can never please everybody and that includes the people close to the person you love. To love means accepting the fact that even if his family doesn’t like you, you have to continue understanding them. Because loving the person means loving the people around him as well.

You fear loss.

When the person starts to mean more to us, the more we fear of losing the person. We start to become aware of the fact that we are mere mortals and eventually, we will depart from this world. Just the thought of losing a beloved person to death is enough to make us fear to be in love. Too much attachment causes too much pain.

Love is always associated with pain. You just got to choose which one is worthy of that risk.

Stop hiding yourself in the closet. Let love find you through this lovely bouquet of flowers Perth.

 

This entry was posted on May 19, 2016.

9 Different Ways To Know If Your Partner Genuinely Loves You or Not

There are several ways that can actually help you to gauge how much your partner loves and cares for you. But the first and foremost thing is that it is important to know if they truly love you or not. Here are some of the ways that can help you to learn whether your lover truly loves you.

  1. The person should not be selfish in bed: Ah well, this is the first and foremost thing that you need to take care of and observe carefully. Your partner should be extremely careful and take care of your likes and what actually turns you on or off. Your partner’s motto should not be only sex and nothing else. rather he/she should understand what is good and what is bad for you. Your partner should be your best friend when in bed also.
  2. Your partner will always stop you from doing anything that is irrational: Whenever you seem to do anything irrational, your partner who truly loves you from the core of his/her heart will always stop you from doing so.
  3. He/She takes good care of you when you happen to be sick: Suppose you suddenly fall ill, and then a true lover will definitely care for you as much as they can and even going beyond normal limits. After all, they love you. But someone who does not love you truly will never ever do so.
  4. They always ask for your opinion: Whenever, any important decision is to be made, then if your partner truly loves you then that person will seek your opinion and discuss with you and never simply impose their opinion on you.
  5. Your partner does not feel insecure in case you happen not to pick up the call: Suppose you overlook his/her call and fail to answer the call, then if your partner truly loves you from the bottom of his/her heart, then the person will never feel insecure and frustrated. They will take it as a normal situation that can occur to anyone.
  6. They believe in and also do small things to make you happy: Well, in true love, your partner will always have a belief that small things can make each other happy. So, always keep in mind this is another vital point that distinguishes a true lover from a fake one.
  7. They will always listen to you and not simply hear what you say: Well, there is a stark difference between hearing and listening. While hearing is simply a physiological process, listening is a psychological process. Hearing involves simply hearing anything and everything, while on the other hand listening means properly hearing and then analyzing what you say and acknowledging what is perceived. And the vital thing is that a true lover will never hear but always listen properly to what you say.
  8. They boldly say that they love you: True lovers will never ever be afraid to say it loud that they love you. They will boldly exclaim that they love you and will never be sacred to utter those three golden words.
  9. They have the same behavior in front of friends: It is another vital point perhaps. Only a true lover will always behave as they always do in front of their as well as your friends. If they behave differently, then it is a thing of concern.

This entry was posted on May 12, 2016.

Does Love Truly Hurt

So many people come into my office with broken hearts from struggling or failed relationships. They conclude that love hurts, that love and passion can not exist in the same relationship, or that you should not give your heart away completely or you’ll get hurt.

They start to associate love with pain.

But does love really hurt?

It may seem that love is the cause of a lot of your pains and heartbreaks. However, the truth is that love has never hurt you. And never can. Love is a powerful emotion that brings out the best in us, that elevates our spirits. Why else are we always looking for this crazy, little thing called love?

So if love doesn’t hurt, then what is causing the pain in our relationships?

It is whatever takes love away.

Here are some causes that takes our love away:

1. Hurtful words
2. Broken promises
3. Needs not being met
4. Misunderstandings

And other causes that penetrate a deeper wound like

5. Lies
6. Deceptions
7. Betrayal
8. Selfishness
9. Abandonment
10. Any form of abuse

Essentially, it is not love that hurts us.

In fact, love is a beautiful, powerful energy we are driven to seek. However, what I have found is that while we all looking for love, we do not always know how to keep and protect our love from being harmed. What hurts, then, is when we do not know how to love… it is like building a home without having the proper tools to construct it.

Love uses tools such as: compassion, selflessness, consideration, thoughtfulness, kindness, empathy, generosity, understanding, attentiveness…

And just like a home, love needs maintenance. You can not expect love to stick around if you do not take care of it. Your foundation will crumble.

So if ever you’ve been hurt, do not blame love for your pain… Mainly because if you do, you are going to fear it and push it away when it tries to come back again, causing you continued pain.

Love is the antidote of pain and heals all wounds. It makes you trust again, makes you believe in the wonders of connection again and in the possibilities that anything you want can happen.

So, if you want to keep love in your life, make sure you have the right tools… and that you’re using them.

Be true to your heart and spread your love!

 

This entry was posted on May 3, 2016.